by Scott "Dr. Music" Itter

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It’s February 2012.

Damn.

Time’s moving so fast I could swear I feel the Earth moving under my feet.

I can tell you that I’m thrilled to death to be writing the Greetings page for the revived Are You On Something website. I get to shout rock and roll salutations to all you newbies that are just starting to check us out, and to all you regulars that kept relentlessly checking the website for signs of life. We’re always glad to see newbies, and we absolutely love you crazy cats that refuse to leave. It’s time to rock and roll on!

When I think of February, I can’t help but think of Valentine’s Day. Maybe it’s the hopeless romantic in me, or maybe it’s because if I forget the stinkin’ day I spend the night in the tool shed. But I would definitely urge all you guys out there to find your feminine sides for the ladies in your lives. What better way to romance a lady than with a good ballad. Don’t worry. I’m not suggesting that you turn your macho ass into a whiny little girl. I truly believe you can take a knee in the name of chivalry without being a pansy. Just make sure you don't confuse Terry Jacks' "Seasons In The Sun" with Slayer’s “Seasons In The Abyss.”

There are songs that will sweeten the mood, without sacrificing your sense of cool. I always like to refer to Lita (Ford) and Ozzy doing “Close My Eyes Forever” as a prime example of a ballad with some dignity. Dokken’s “Alone Again” was another ballad that made metal fans proud. George Lynch’s killer guitar solo made the whole “I miss you” theme acceptable. Skid Row’s “I Remember You” allows you to clench a fist, while the other hand strokes your best gal’s hair. Sebastian Bach’s best vocal performance might be in that song. And, of course, Scorpions’ “Still Loving You” will always reign as one of the best. For all the 70’s rockers, nothing beats Styx’s “Lady.” It has sweet vocals, a twinkling keyboard, and lyrics that will make her melt. But the best thing about “Lady” is the fact that it builds into a rocker, with power chords and everything. And perhaps the prettiest ballad of the 70’s comes by way of a band called Angel. “Feelings” was a soaring ballad with amazing vocals and keyboards. It’s one of those that sends a shiver – check it out.

I know they’ll be hordes of dudes that will ignore any suggestion and choose to dump every ounce of integrity they have by playing “Open Arms.” Yep, it’s a fact. Playing the Journey cavity-causer gets you laid every time. But I would urge you to cut condom costs this year and keep some sense of dignity.